MPIRG and WRAC teamed up last week to promote sexual consent at UMD. The two organizations made a natural match for the project, choosing to focus on “yes means yes” instead of the more common rape-prevention tactics that typically puts responsibility on potential victims.Rather than just hanging up fliers about consent (though they did that too), volunteers from both groups stuck mustaches on Post-it notes all around campus.
“It’s a fun way for students to be more engaged,” said Dani Smilanich, sophomore MPIRG member.
MPIRG organizer Mariana Glitsos says many students post on social media when they see the mustaches on campus, asking friends if they know they what they’re for.
“That way, we get the conversation going,” Glitsos said.
WRAC and MPIRG also used the mustache motif for their overall message, creating blue buttons that said “Consent: You mustache for it.”
The groups even tabled in the Kirby Commons on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. They set up a photo booth stocked with props (including, of course, fake mustaches). Models could pose with signs promoting consent and people who passed by were able to take free condoms and lube.
Of course, with the hoopla surrounding “50 Shades of Grey,” consent has become a topical issue, along with BDSM, an acronym that combines three abbreviations: Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadochism and Masochism (SM).
But what does BDSM have to do with consent? Everything, according to junior Lee Hansen and sophomore Meg Poettgen, two UMD students who gave a presentation on BDSM and kink last Thursday. The duo decided that consent week was the perfect time to present the topic.
“We decided to make it a big conversation,” Poettgen said.
The primary focus of their presentation was on the importance of communicating.
“Safety, safety, safety, safety. Communication. Consent,” Hansen said at the end of the presentation.
Of course, this was all in the context of kink and BDSM, which both students feel haven’t been talked about on campus nearly enough. Though Hansen has been working on creating the presentation for a while now, it was only recently that Poettgen joined her. They thought it was especially important to do it now, as a counter-message to “50 Shades of Grey.”
“It all depends on what the people in the group/partnership have discussed, agreed upon and consented to,” Hansen said.
Poettgen added that it is important to have an equal power dynamic in the real-life relationship, even if it is not acted out that way sexually. The problem both women had with “50 Shades of Grey” was the inherent power imbalance between the high-powered executive and the new college graduate looking for a job.
“A lot of times, people don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like,” Poettgen said.
They showed two diagrams, one that demonstrated the cycle of abuse, and the other that showed the cycle of a healthy BDSM relationship. Where abuse was about control and manipulation, BDSM was about communication and aftercare.
Hansen said that “50 Shades of Grey” – or as she calls it, “50 Shades of Abuse” – has nothing to do with BDSM. According to Hansen and Poettgen, the two are polar opposites.
“Kink at large is whatever the heck you want it to be. And it’s about finding the partners that suit you,” Poettgen said.
But finding the right partner isn’t the last step.
“Relationships grow. You’re not going to get 10/10 every time,” Hansen said. Both women advocated for constant communication between partners to make sure needs and wants are being met. This includes communication before, during and after intercourse. It can also mean exploring.
“Watch porn with your partner if you want to,” Poettgen said. “That can be the start of a great conversation.”
Hansen added that there is plenty of ethical, feminist porn on the Internet, claiming this is the kind of porn people should watch.
Though there were only 18 people in the audience, Poettgen and Hansen are hoping to continue the conversation.
“We’re looking into expanding and talking about this on campus more,” said Poettgen, who also gives presentations on STI’s and consent.
But it is entirely possible that they were preaching to the choir for this first event. Those in attendance were primarily women’s studies students, QASU members, WRAC volunteers and MPIRG members. This likely led to the positive response from the audience.
“I like how inclusive they were with everyone,” junior Taylor Zare said. She approached Hansen and Poettgen when they finished to congratulate them on a job well done.
“I thought it was a good way to talk about consent,” alumnus Brian Downing said. “It’s good to hear that there will be more conversations happening.”
As for people who may not be as receptive to the message, Hansen was unfazed.
“Don’t ‘yuck’ someone else’s ‘yum,’” Hansen said.
By APRILL EMIG
Senior Staff Reporter